Gruel of the Future: A Recipe for 2087
A bowl of gruel. It gloweth faintly. Do not eat after dark.
Take ye one cup of oats, harvested by drone from the orbital fields of Saint Brigid’s Station. Add water from a moat that hath been certified only mildly haunted.
Stir counterclockwise for thirteen minutes while the dial-up modem connects. The screeching of the modem is essential; it tenderizes the oats. Season with salt, a pinch of LED, and one drop of plutonium.¹
Serve in a bowl carved from an old CRT monitor. Garnish with a sprig of rosemary to ward off the plague. Serves four peasants or one knight after a long joust.