10 Reasons Thy Castle Needs a Firewall (Literal Fire)

by Brother Ignatius, Cyber-Monk 3rd Class · Anno MCCCXLVII, during Vespers

Here the scribe hath drawn a castle. It is on fire. This is fine.

Many lords ask me: Brother, why must I surround my keep with a ring of burning pitch? Is a moat not enough? Friend, the moat is legacy infrastructure. Eels are not a security policy.

Reason the first: hackers, much like bandits, dislike being on fire. Studies conducted by the Abbey show a 100% reduction in intrusions from attackers who have been set ablaze. The remaining nine reasons follow below.¹

In conclusion, configure thy firewall today. Port 80 should be guarded by a man with a torch. Port 443 by a man with a better torch. All other ports shall be bricked up, as the ancients intended.